Ross Douglas

Edinburgh never knew what it was about to spawn.

Happy New Year!

The year starts here for me.

After a long winter break the Moto GP world championship begins again today. After all the furore that surrounded the championship last year with fans favourite Valentino Rossi running Marc Marquez wide and somehow causing Marquez to crash this year looks like it could be a great season.


The first race of the season takes place in Qatar and thanks to a strike by the tutors at college I’ll be watching the first practice session live on BT sport.



If A=2.36 and C=3.14 then I = pHuK3D


Like Albert Einstein says in the above quote we’re all geniuses in one way or another but for some strange and unfathomable reason the SQA thinks if you can’t do mathematics you shouldn’t be allowed to become anything above a Mcdonalds team member.

As regular readers of this blog know I’m currently studying to become a Web Designer and in order to do so I started attending Edinburgh College in August of last year. I have in the past dabbled in HTML and CSS and although I didn’t learn much beyond how to add widgets and how to bugger about with code to make those widgets do what I wanted them to do I did have an interest in HTML and web design seemed like a good thing to get into.

So, having decided I want to get into web design as a career I signed up to do an HND in Web Design but due to my lack of qualifications from secondary (High school for all you yanks out there) I was woefully under qualified to get into the HND course.

The college contacted me and recommended I go into a course that gave me the necessary qualifications and led onto the HND after a year of study. OK, I thought. Whatever it takes.

So here I am, a month into my second semester and I’ve found out that one of the subjects, Maths, is a core subject. Meaning that if I fail it I fail the whole course.

And therein lies my problem.

When I was at primary school (back in the late 1970’s) I was diagnosed as being dyslexic and throughout the whole of my primary and secondary schooling I was put into classes that were, how can I put it? Remedial? Maybe… Anyhow, the classes I had were never going to get me a job in rocket science and at the time I was OK with that.

So here I am thirty years later trying to train to do Web Design and I’m pretty much SOOL1 and JWF2 when it comes to Pythagorean Theory, working out co-ordinates of a straight line, Trigonometry, Algebra and all the other guff that is included in the mathematics class.

And what pisses me off is that I’m pretty certain that I have no need for these things in web design. And if I do need them I’ll do what any other person with half a brain and access to the net will do. I’ll LOOK IT UP ON GOOGLE.

But no. That’s not good enough. I have to be able to do it or I’m going to have wasted a whole year of my life trying to improve my lot in life only to fail because I can’t work out the circumference of a circle or plot the co-ordinates of a straight line or do complicated maths the likes of which I would actually need if I was looking to become a civil engineer.

Which, by the way, I have no intention of ever doing.

1 Shit Out Of Luck.

2 Jolly Well Fucked.

And another thing!

What’s the point in having a class that requires you to use Premiere Pro in a classroom where the PC’s are so old and fucked that it takes the computer 10 minutes to startup1, takes 30 minutes to start Premiere Pro and becomes completely unresponsive when you do ANYTHING AT ALL WHATSOEVER…

1.  I have lost count of the amount of times that a PC at college has taken ten minutes to start up and then immediately shut down. 

What’s the point?

In going to college and being taught how to use a program that is so vastly different from the program that you are told to download so you can work at home that you can’t do any work at home?

At college we use Microshaft Visual Studio 2010 in software development and have been given Microshaft Visual Studio Express. The difference between the two has me baffled.

Celebrity teachers…

It’s a funny old world…

As I have posted previously on here I have a college tutor named Steve Tyler and now have an LDT tutor who looks like a slightly drugged out version of Leonardo Di Caprio and a Visual Studio Programming tutor who is the spitting image of Adam Savage.

Actually Adam Savage
Not Adam Savage

I would post a picture of my LDT tutor who looks like a drugged out version of Leonardo Di Caprio but I haven’t got one and I’m wary of calling him Nick the Hippy (Which is what I call him ever since he turned up in a blatantly hand knitted cardigan and handed out a crochet pin cushion that his wife had made as part of an icebreaker game) on a public blog in case he gets all upset and throws an ethically sourced NonGMO-bought-at-a-farmers-market sandal made from lentils at me in a fit of rage.


Big thanks to my tutor Andrew Connor for taking this in good spirit and posing for the picture.

Blooming Marvelous…

At the moment the college project I’m working on is a website, video and animation for a florist shop. Premiere Pro is my software of choice when it comes to video editing, Dreamweaver is my choice for building the website and Adobe Flash is my choice for the animation.

Fortune smiled upon me when it comes to the animation as I created a flash website for motorcycle legend Mick Doohan and was told by the tutor that my site had covered everything in the assessment. Job done.

The video is going to be a 90 second advert for the flower shop and the website is almost finished and looks like this…


I fucking hate Maths.

The Oscar’s are a farce


So Leonardo DiCaprio has won an Oscar. Which, according to his fans, is looking overdue. And to this I say tish and pish.

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia – The medical term for a fear of long words.


This word has always made me smile. Imagine going to see your shrink because every time someone says a word over five letters you freak out and run screaming from the room like a little girl who’s just been shown Bud Dwyer’s check-out video and he attempts to tell you you have a disease called Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia.

“What’s wrong with me Doc?”

“In my medical opinion, you’re obviously fucking nuts.”



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