I’m off out tonight with my folks. We’re going to a Chinese place that’s in Pumpherston.

Strangely enough I have never associated Pumpherston with China. Or indeed restaurants. When I think of Pumpherston I think of run down Coral betting shops, Farmfoods, chip shops and stray dogs that shake uncontrollably when left alone and turn into vicious masses of teeth when approached.

That is the Pumpherston of my long gone youth though and for all I know it may be a picturesque haven nowadays. There could be a Starbucks, a New York dining car burger joint and baskets of hanging flowers. There may be hipsters with Mac’s watching street performances of the latest works by some obscure French poet. But I don’t hold much hope…

Chances are Pumpherston is still the toilet I remember it to be.